Oh, I feel so warm and fuzzy.

Yesterday and today really have not been very great for me. Last night we had a game night with friends from Bible study and for some reason I was a bit extra sensitive. Kyle and Joe made some comments to me that I felt were offensive. They were just completely joking around, but me being extra sensitive took it personally. Not only was I frustrated at them but I was also frustrated at myself for being so sensitive. I know that I overreacted way more than I normally would. To prove my point we have been friends for almost a year and have not had any problems previous to this.

Well, after they left I cried to Asher. I shared my hurts with him and I was so heartened by his response to me. He reached out to me in comfort, love and protection. He wanted to make it all better for me even though there was nothing he could really do. I did not expect anything different from him but it still just made me love him all the more.

At first I admit that I was mad at God for making me this way. I don't like being sensitive and I wish that I could let things roll off my shoulders. After a while of reading my Bible and praying I realized that I was focusing on the wrong issue and I should be looking for what lesson God was trying to show me.

It occured to me that God simply wanted me to be broken. It seems to me that there are other people that God uses for His work that do not need to be so broken. For me all that I can gather for my life is that God really wants me to be abundantly aware that I am nothing. There is no good in me alone. I thoroughly need Him to help me get through this life. I cannot do it on my own. I am not sure why He has chosen that plan for me, but the minute I start a to think a little too highly of myself He squishes me like a bug.

So tonight in the spirit of brotherly love and not wanting to ever have disharmony with peope I care about, I asked Asher to call Kyle and Joe for me so they could come over and talk. They came over even before I got home. I love those guys so much. We talked about it and they are going to be more careful and I am going to speak up and tell them when they have crossed the line. I really love those guys so much. They are like brothers that I never had. It feels a little odd for me because I have never been close to any guys unless there was some romantic feelings going on. It feels really nice and I hope our families will always be friends. It is starting to feel like our Bible study is no longer friends but more like extended family.

Another reason why I am so blissful is because after they guys left I went over to Asher and told him I was happy again and the look in his eyes was true joy. It was not anything he said, it was what I could tell he was thinking. He loves me and he's happy that I am happy. What a blessing. God is so good to me. I really don't deserve His goodness. I am nothing as He likes to remind me, so I know I deserve his favor, but I am glad that He gives it to me anyway.