Pregnant Again?


I have been having soreness in my uterus ever since my tubal ligation surgery. I have basically been trying to ignore it because we do not have insurance and I think it would be a big hassle to have it checked out. Now it is starting to get worse so last night I got on the internet to re-look at complications of tubals. The only ones that I could see that might fit me were infection and ectopic pregnancy. I don't think I have infection because there is no drainage or fever. Of course that is not a definitive exclusion, but more unlikely. So I have been have been exloring the idea of a tubal pregnancy. I talked to Bill, my father-in-law, yesterday because he is a P.A. and very helpful with medical stuff. He told me that a sign of ectopic pregnancies is dizziness and low blood pressure. I have been having dizziness and almost complete blackouts when I stand up too fast, but that could be from dehydration. I have been on a running exercise regimen but I haven't been increasing my water intake like I should.

Asher and I discussed the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy last night and he is strongly hoping that is not what it is. In fact the chance that it could be upset him greatly. He feels like if that is the case it is our fault because we basically created a place for one of our children to come into existance and then not have any way to survive. That is exactly the way I feel about it too. I feel like I have turned a gift that God has given me into a hostile and treacherous place for my baby. It is no longer a womb, but a tomb. Asher and I had a time of grief and sorrow together. I don't know what is going on for sure but I am already grieving about this more than my miscarriages. But we really don't know that is what the cause of my discomfort is. There may be no reason for the sadness I am carrying.

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31